Losing it…again

So here we are, a new year, a new sense of being that comes along with every new beginning.

I just returned from the mall with my new sneakers to begin for probably the 10,000th time, my weight loss program, LOL

No really, how many of you are beginning this venture again? I for one have started it, maintained it for a short amount of time, ended it and started again.

In 2006 it was my most recent attempt at weight loss, I have to say I did great! Lost 60lbs wanted to lose another 40, but than that’s when it happened, I started feeling real comfortable and therefore began neglecting my efforts.

To achieve the weight loss, I was attending the local gym for one straight year up at 4AM at the gym by 4:30AM worked out till 5:30AM in the shower and back home to get the kids ready for school.  This worked out great for the year I must say, but I then began feeling totally exhausted very drowsy on the way home from work, which by that hour I had been up for 13 hours! So little by little I stopped going to the gym, and let me tell you, after 3 days it is extremely hard to get back on track!

So here it is 2011 and I have put on 25 of those pesky pounds, I hate myself for having been weak, I hate how I look, I hate how I feel, I hate shopping for clothes and for just having basically given up, and having no one to blame but me for the failure.

Now I embark on a new path, I hope that I have learned from my past failures, I know my body better than anyone and I know it needs to MOVE! I am not going on a DIET, because they do not work. I am going on a moving adventure, in order to make this work I have to make some other changes.

First I must always take lunch from home, it is sooo easy to hop in the car stop at Micky D’s, BK, White Castle,The Pizza place and eat in the car drive back to work and sit at my desk all afternoon, wow! Day in and day out I do this and it has brought me where I am now, which is  to a very unhappy ME, but see this is not ME!

The real ME is inside, underneath the pain, underneath the layers of clothing, underneath the gorgeous bag that I seem to buy, because instead of a gorgeous outfit I buy accessories instead, accessories don’t have a size and it feels safe, comforting, but it does not take away the feelings of ugliness, uselessness and the pain of these.

I want to be once again and for the last time, the beautiful, sexy, alluring, woman I KNOW I can be! It takes hard work, determination, I know this because I worked my ass off that year at the gym, when I was asked how I did it, I would always reply “with lots of hard work on my end” and very proud of it!

So tomorrow Jan. 3 will be the first day of the rest of my life, I am getting up early and just walking out the door, no gym, just walking out in to the world, the world that I want to know me for ME, the real ME!

If anyone wants to join me on this quest please feel free to keep in touch about our successes throughout the journey either on here or email at


A note: I do suffer from Fibromyalgia and Hypertension just so you know my Chiropractor Dr Nicole of Healing Hands of Manahawkin has made it possible to bear the pain of walking once again, this was an issue after I left the gym, and the sneaks I got today feel real comfy.

Thanks for stopping by and hope to see less of all of you in 2011! *wink* wink*


One thought on “Losing it…again

  1. I really enjoyed reading this post and must say that I am very proud of you for taking on this new
    adventure. I know you can do it!!

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